Just a list of amazing people

Grace

Anna

Isabella

Daphne

Anna

All women. Next up amazing men. You know me, I'm all about the gender and the norms..

My pet peeves and random celebration of love, life and humanity

Aikanaan olin kovin et atkins atkins ei hiilarei hiilarit tappaa ja okei mä olin sangen laihas kunnos ja sutki jannu mut ne jat on takana. Sit tuli ero ja pako Turkuun, äärest ihastuttava kesä joka edettiin huikalla, pitsalla ja kebssilla. Sain massaa, ja nopeasti. Eli antaa vinkkiä varmasti ettei se hiilaridieeti ollu kovin järkevä. Näin tuhdis kunnos en o ollu koskaan, eli sen mitä aikanaan pidotin oon keränny nyt korkojen kanssa takasin. En silti oo oikeestaan millään muotoo paksu. I will be jos en tee nyt muutoskii elämääni mut tää kaikki paskanjauhanta on pohjustusta mun ekaan valitukseen.. lihavuuteen.

Mä olin hetken matkaa töissä vaatekaupassa, isossa ketjussa joka aukas syksyn aikana myö Turun seudulle uuden XL-myymälän. Miks? Koska suomalaiset lihoo ja lihoo, kyse on kaupasta rahasta ja myynnistä, tarjoo sitä mille on kysyntää. Jos mulla on jumpperi kokoa 9XL se on.. melko iso. Se on kohtuuttoman iso. Ihminen kuka tarvii kauluspaidan kokoa 9XL ei ole millään tapaa normaalipainon edes nurkilla. Oi oi ku ihmiset sairastaa ja on kaikkee perinnöllist ja sit on raskaat luut ja bull shit. Ihmiset syö liikaa ja syö väärin. Se on kinda ihan fine, aikuset ihmiset tekee kropalleen mitä haluaa ja sit parkuu et muotimaailma pakottaa ihmiset sairaasen laihuuteen, homosuunnittelijat haluaa bylsii pikkupoikien näkösii tyttöi (j ne ei nä täs mitään ristiriitaa..) mut se, mikä teki tiukkaa mulle oli ne perheet, lihavat perheet, jotka jätti palautetta ettei löydy heidän 13-vuotiaal pojal tarpeeks isoo hupparia kun se XXL oli liian tiukka. Mun teki pahaa ajatella et nää ihmiset saa syöttää lapsensa sairaiks jo alle aikuisuutta et varmistetaan se ettei koskaan tuu oleen tervettä suhdetta ruokaa tai kroppaa joka olis saanu kasvaa ja kehittyy normmalsiti, ilman ylimärästö rasitusta nivelille.

Nyt varsinainen valitus (koska so far olen ollu niin positiivinen); miks ne 4-9XL kokoset vaatteet kuvataan sutkien ja nättien miesmallien päällä? Jos on hienoa olla "miehen kokoinen" (say what?) miksei olla niin ylpeitä et iskettäs ne lihavat miehet vatteisiin ja kuvattas, oikeen photoshopattais kuvat ja oltas reteesti "miehen kokosissa vaatteissa"? Koska kukaan ei halua nähdä sitä todellisuutta ettei 9XL-kokonen mies ikinä löydä ja saa nätisti istuvaa (siis oikeesti istuvaa) pukua.

Sama mua nyppii plus size, ihan jo terminä mut myös konseptina. Kun valitetaan ettei löydä kauniita vaatteita kokoa se-ja-se. Okei ymmärrän ja hyväksyn. Sen verran olen kaavojen kanssa elämässäni vatkannu etten ihan heti hoksaa miten saan kivasti istuvan jakkupuvun tai jakun tehtyä kokoa 52 esim. ilman et se näyttää.. koolta 52. Monasti mulla on takaraivossa kaiku ku luen näit valituksii et.. tai puntaroin et onk kyse iit ettei näytetä hoikemmilta nöis vaatteis? Onk se oikeest siitä kiinni? Mä en tiä.

There, siin pääosin mun tän aamun alilämpönen tajunnanvirta joka puski läpi kun kattoin ohjelmiani netistä.

Mä loveen tätä biisii ja versioo.. Ha det bra, palaillaa!

Fuck that shit, I'm moving on!

Ever since I was a child I always wanted to be a dancer, more specifically a ballet dancer. Needles to say I found alcohol and The Cure and those dreams were sort of buried.

When I was around 25-27 I dreamed of having my own fashion magazine. Not to make money, not to follow the trends, just to have a place of my own, to give the world (or 2 of my friends who'd be the only ones reading the leaflet) my opinion on fashion as I see it. The operative concept being as I see it.

For the past few years my dream has been to have an exhibition in Berlin. It almost happened this summer but as I told earlier; it didn't.

So now my plans for the future are as follows: in the summer 2013 I'll have my exhibition in Berlin. While there I'll 'publish' the first issue of my brilliant fashion magazine. The name shall be a secret until then. And as for the first dream I'll keep you posted.

Laters.

love this!

"I've Only Just Begun" is a ragingly beautiful and empowering story about Venuz Vulgar and his friends on their way to St. Petersburg, Russia.

It's written and directed by E. Over 60 people were involved in this free, independent production. Thank you all. Big up. No fear. Says the introduction on Vimeo. 

This is beautiful, love the song, the hauntingly gloomy and decadent ambiance filled with hope and love.

love is in the air

i've always simply loved this song. this is just so insanely beautiful. we're moving in about two weeks. though our stay here has been sort of.. this has been our home for the past almost 3 years. it is still a bit sad to move out.

 

despite all my fighting and almost self-destructive behaviour i must simply accept the fact that i am in love, that all is just as it should be.

i love the view from here. i love the nights that are getting darker, it's about moving on, letting go of the past. elämä kantaa.

When did we get so fat and what happened to my dreams? Vol. II

My dreams.. I've always been a dreamer, always. I had some ludicrous ideas in my head when I was 20 something, even more happening when I hit 30. Then something happened, I sort of fell to a bad crowd. Last spring was probably one of the hardest times I've struggled through. Now things are starting to look brighter once again. We're moving to a new flat in 2 weeks, we're going to make it into a haven of prettiness and (hopefully in time) obscurities. As a huge lover of anything odd, strange, trashy or just plain ugly I'm really starting to have clear visions on where to start the place. It's gonna be all muted colors on walls, bright colors on furniture, DIY-lamps (sort of like my fave piece in this place; the chandelier I made years ago when in Helsinki) and the best part; we have a huge balcony that I want to turn into a very lovely oasis of love and happiness.

Now I hear you asking where do you find the best ideas, hints and inspiration and I can only answer with one word; OutsaPop Trashion. Ok two words.

This is without a doubt THE most brilliant blog in the entire world. Not only am I getting huge buzz going on in my head on what to do with our home to be but also inspiration on stuff clothes and shit I could and should be doing. And I hear the bells of Berlin ringing once again.. hopefully next summer. Hopefully I'll get a great job before that and I'd be thin and gorgeous!

When did we get so fat and what happened to my dreams? Vol. I

I work for a big company, selling clothes. Something that I've always wanted to do; to work in fashion, get paid.. Now the place I work for has really nothing to do with fashion, it's just clothing. And the main point is to sell. Sell as much as you can, to everyone. Force them to buy. Anything as long as you sell. Now I have two (is this the correct way of saying this?) degrees in fashion, I sort of know a lot about it. To be perfectly honest I feel like my 'talents' are just going to trash working where I work. I think it's telling something that I work in a clothing shop and my degrees in fashion and/or clothing don't matter when it comes to my paycheck..

From my own little shop that I had to close in the spring to this place.. I mean the two worlds couldn't be further apart. First of all I work in a mall outside the bright lights of this big city and I mean.. people are different, we come in all shapes and forms but still I keep wondering how and when did Finns get this fat? And I'm not talking about some little chubbiness of few extra-kilos, no. I'm talking about really obese people, young people, kids.. To me it's really disturbing trying to explain to a 14-year-old kid that the biggest size we have is XXXL and apologize that it's too small for him. I mean really? Then you see the parents and just realize that this kid is going to grow up fatter and fatter till the point his joints are just plain ruined by the time he hits his 20s. I find it incredibly sad and disturbing. And the sad part is that it's not a rarity anymore. When it comes to adults it's sort of.. you know it's your life and body you're allowed to get as sick as you want but seeing fat kids is the part that hurts me, almost personally.

When I use the words white trash I've been sort of referring to myself and my friends, more as a joke but with a slight hint of truth in the shadows. Not anymore. At the moment my daily customers are whiter than white, trashier than trash. It's even more of a struggle to me than the fact that after working there for a month I still don't know how much I earn or have signed any contract regarding my employment.

Anyway, the follow up to this question is that is it really fair then that all the blame is on the 'fashion industry', that it's making only clothes for skinny people, models and anorectics? Don't think so. There are more shops opening for 'plus-sized' people all the time even here in Finland (I used to think it's merely the Americans that get that big..) and to think that we need clothes in the size 9XL is beyond me. And what I find interesting are all the light-products in the stores, all the fat free shit that people keep buying and eating. And still..

I'll get to my lost dreams in a moment..

Sometimes it's just overwhelming

The roller coaster that is my life with the constant mood swings can be somewhat exhausting. That tells me that I'm either going through "the change" and I'm an older lady who's peaked a while ago or that I'm a somewhat depressed slightly chubby and balding guy who's peaked a while ago. I'd like to think that I just can't be that obvious but the facts of life are harsh sometimes. And they are facts of life.


I'm starting a new job tomorrow, nice to get money from somewhere and really after having my own shop it's a very attractive idea to just close the door behind me when I get off work and that's that. With my shop that wasn't really possible, it was on my mind constantly. And nobody gave me money once a month, either. So it's not all bad. Sometimes I just.. First of all I'm really.. I don't have shades of grey in my life, it's black or white. Letting go of dreams is a bit difficult sometimes. Realizing that you don't have to let go (at least not of all the dreams) takes time to accept, at least for me. Choosing the dreams you still want to hang on to and the ones that were just pure idiocy can be also a tough call to make. Well it's really about choosing I guess.


I'm not religious in any way (though I do believe in fashion) but lately my mind has been going through a lot. In the past 2 years, actually, my extended family has been pulled to shreds, I've had some dreams smashed, I've been (almost) stripped out of every penny I have (and then some). I'm not looking for any.. Jesus, God, god or spirituality. I do, however like this idea..


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference


So, now moving on with my life. Stuff that I should've done years ago I must delete from my mind. I've missed the boat, too bad. There are still wonderful things ahead, just not the ones I had hoped for.





Soon it's time to pull myself together and start doing.. stuff again.


*ring ring*


Enthusiasm: Hello?
Jaakko: Hi it's me, remember?
E: Yeah sure! I've missed you! What you've been up to lately?
J: Not much, really. Hey do you wanna come over and hang out?
E: HELL YEAH! Just give me few days, I'm in a middle of something with a chick in Berlin. I'll drop you a line once I'm coming, by the end of July, definitely, maybe sooner.
J: Cheers! CU soon!

You know what sucks?

In fashion everything is done, every idea is had, been there done that. I'm a huge lover of the history of fashion, right now really into 17th and 19th centuries. Love all the detailing and the pompous accessories and on the other hand the simplicity that laid the bricks for modern menswear of our times.

I love Walter Van Beirendonck. I know that all the ideas are there, used and abused all the time. But I get a silly feeling when I've been planning thing and then I see the same shit on the catwalk.. Hmm.. Then again I could say I didn't steal the idea but just went through my own archives. Which is also true, I've been making protos and these collars now for the past few weeks and also made some shit in 2005.

Walter for 2013, lovely! Made with more tulle then mine in..

...2005. And oh how skinny I was back then.

I have to make a list

I'm huge on making lists about everything. A dear friend of mine told me that when life seems desperate and gloomy one should make a list of the top 3 things wrong or the top 3 things that are dragging you down the most. Just the 3 things and solve them first and the rest will start unravelling at some point. So, I made a list.

Living according to lists, a habit that I learned from my mom, sort of fits me. In a way. The problem is that I should make a list of where all the lists are so I could follow them and cross the stuff that I've done and sorted. At the moment the list is on my computer and I think we all know I'm never far from this little friend. As we speak I've really started working on my list. I had a job interview yesterday and there's another job that's been.. well, there are people who've done all they can to make sure I'd get the job. Time will tell, but the interview yesterday went well, I think. I might need a car if I get the job but that's not a problem. I'm optimistic, I'm hopeful. I'm so fed up with this poverty and never having any money, just my credit cards.

I still want all the nice clothes and things, I want to be snappy and gorgeous. Not just for me but also for my family, that's at the moment a bit conceptual in a way. I have my boyfriend, I have my friends and I have my friends son, now 11 months. There's nothing really wrong with my life, just small things that keep bothering me, like the lack of money. I'm making clothes like a mad man, have some orders and still sort of hovering over the decision should I make a decision about the clothes and all.. It's hard sometimes being all grown up and all.

I'm still looking for the purpose, I have few places I'd be sure to get my stuff into to be sold but must take a break and sit down for a while and figure out really what I want to do.

Laters, now making some more coffee though must go to the shop and get some milk.

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

I'm 35, recently had to close my shop. Now having an sort of.. in a small town like this, in a small country like this it doesn't really make sense trying to sell people a bit more expensive stuff, mainly local and blah blah. People just don't need that shit. Now, having already said that earlier, I obviously find it disappointing but such is life. Having my bookkeeper trying to fool me out of everything I have and then some is very bad, very very bad. The accountant being a relative of my business partner (oh what a surprise I would've been the only one paying..) is even worse.

But I'm (trying) NOT (to be) bitter, I have to take it as a learning curve. I've been sort of absent from my own life the last few months and it's been driving me crazy. I have a friend in New York who sent me some amazing books (Pattern Magic, vol. 1-3) and I've been insanely inspired by the books. And another thing that I truly love is the history of fashion.

Oldies but goodies; I found these pics from my archives and remembered just how much I.. how happy (in a very dark way) I was back in the days in Helsinki and hoe inspired I was by these pics, also.

So I'm, as we speak, thinking of getting back to basics, doing things that I loved to do and finding the inner Maire again. Maire wasn't a happy girl, no, she was desperate, sad, middle-aged and an alcoholic. But Maire had an innocence and I really liked her.

So I'm trying to create a small collection for the fall. After all that's been going on in my life I would also imagine it might do me some good, letting out all the steam.

YouTube has changed and I can't find the embedding code anymore so the song that's been playing in my head and on my laptop isn't posted here. But I will post the pics that I just love.

Laters,

J

What I want is a better life

So, it's time for me to let out all the bitterness I've been able to build up inside me.

I had a shop, mainly selling Finnish labels, young designers and stuff like that. Oh so many times I heard praises on my actions and the shop; how wonderful it is to have someone brave enough to support Finnish fashion, how this shop is JUST what this town of ours needs. Well, it turned out that it didn't. There was no need for my vision, maybe for the young (broke and fabulous) people who actually did like the labels and the clothes but were just as poor as I am. And having a shop means making money. That didn't happen.

On top of that I was screwed by my bookkeeper. Turns out my books had been.. done in a certain, almost special way of trying to trick me into paying thousands of euros for nothing. And I mean nothing.

Thank God I'm not really bitter. This is my way of letting out steam. And if I was broke when I started this blog then welcome to my life now.

I have no idea what I want to do, say or accomplish with this self pity mumble but it'll come to me.

In the meantime I do believe I could post some shit here that I am currently doing and working on. Mainly Japanese avantgarde pipe music and loads of black and grey clothes.

Laters, the world is really a lovely place.

Peace.  

Crying my mothers tears

It's been more than a year. In that time I closed my shop, had to. I always wanted to have a shop. Well I tried and it didn't work. In the last few months I've been planning a trip to Berlin, having an exhibition and a pop-up shop there. Now it seems it's not possible at the moment. Mainly for financial reasons.

I'm fed up. Fed up with poverty, fed up. I'm 35, it's time for a crisis. I think I missed the boat. Long ago.

I'm loving the japanese patterns or the books that I got from New York. Making stuff, still dreaming.

Laters,

J