The roller coaster that is my life with the constant mood swings can be somewhat exhausting. That tells me that I'm either going through "the change" and I'm an older lady who's peaked a while ago or that I'm a somewhat depressed slightly chubby and balding guy who's peaked a while ago. I'd like to think that I just can't be that obvious but the facts of life are harsh sometimes. And they are facts of life.
I'm starting a new job tomorrow, nice to get money from somewhere and really after having my own shop it's a very attractive idea to just close the door behind me when I get off work and that's that. With my shop that wasn't really possible, it was on my mind constantly. And nobody gave me money once a month, either. So it's not all bad. Sometimes I just.. First of all I'm really.. I don't have shades of grey in my life, it's black or white. Letting go of dreams is a bit difficult sometimes. Realizing that you don't have to let go (at least not of all the dreams) takes time to accept, at least for me. Choosing the dreams you still want to hang on to and the ones that were just pure idiocy can be also a tough call to make. Well it's really about choosing I guess.
I'm not religious in any way (though I do believe in fashion) but lately my mind has been going through a lot. In the past 2 years, actually, my extended family has been pulled to shreds, I've had some dreams smashed, I've been (almost) stripped out of every penny I have (and then some). I'm not looking for any.. Jesus, God, god or spirituality. I do, however like this idea..
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference
So, now moving on with my life. Stuff that I should've done years ago I must delete from my mind. I've missed the boat, too bad. There are still wonderful things ahead, just not the ones I had hoped for.
Soon it's time to pull myself together and start doing.. stuff again.
*ring ring*
Enthusiasm: Hello?
Jaakko: Hi it's me, remember?
E: Yeah sure! I've missed you! What you've been up to lately?
J: Not much, really. Hey do you wanna come over and hang out?
E: HELL YEAH! Just give me few days, I'm in a middle of something with a chick in Berlin. I'll drop you a line once I'm coming, by the end of July, definitely, maybe sooner.
J: Cheers! CU soon!
